What was the biggest lesson you learned in 2018?
As we close out the year, I've been asking myself a lot of questions, taking stock of all the lessons this past turn around the sun has brought...
In 2018: I set myself FREE.
With the energetic charge of a caged animal that has finally been set loose, I have been RUNNING. Running because I can. Running to explore. Running because it feels epically blissful to feel my body move in the direction it wants to go.
You see, since the time I was nineteen, I have been someone's girlfriend, fiancé or wife but when my marriage failed in late 2017 I decided it was time for ME. I committed right then and there to embark on a solo journey until I could gain clarity and understanding, and heal from the inside out.
In the last two years, I have cleared space to connect to me. Who am I? What's my purpose here? How do I experience more joy and less pain?
The search of these answers has taken me all over the world to places like Bali, Mykonos, Colombia, and Thailand. It's also taken me to spiritual centers. I recall one full moon night where I sobbed in the arms of a healer from wounds inflicted so long ago I had no idea they were there. I emerged from that session with clarity like the skies after a rainstorm. I was as bright and as light-filled as a rainbow.
I've come to realize that the answer to ALL of the above is simply LOVE.
Who am I?...I am LOVE. What is my purpose on this planet? My purpose is to LOVE and be loved. But I think the biggest discovery in the last two years is to fully understand what it is to LOVE from the overflow rather than "needing" it to be returned so I can feel validated. I can't tell you how incredibility liberating that discovery has been!
So what does "the overflow" mean? It's the absolute knowingness that I am sourced from beyond AND within.
"The beyond" has been called by many names over the ages, but I believe we are all talking about the same source. As for "the within"? To me, that's the peaceful, delicious knowingness that I am a precious, unique, expression of the divine. I'm a Goddess having a brief, sublime human experience.
So you see, I'm no longer attached to being "loved back" because I, myself, am already overflowing. Don't get me wrong, I welcome love from outside sources...I appreciate that love, but I no longer require it feel good about myself. And now, when I am in the presence of those whose hearts are closed or not expressing love, I can compassionately wait for them to reopen... or I can wish them well on their journey and move toward the direction of those that are loving from the overflow too. I don't get this "way of being" correctly all the time...not even close!...but it's my highest aspiration and I practice it daily.
As I round out 2018, my wild gallop has turned into an elegant prance. It's more focused and directed now. I've come to understand that power comes from going within, connecting to the self and the beyond. That doesn't require travel, healers and spiritual centers (although those experiences can be magical) it simply requires a moment to go within and listen to that inner wisdom.
Dim the lights, light your candle, and get quiet and know you are LOVE.
Happy New Year! Tell me, what did you learn in 2018 and are there any special words of wisdom you want to share with our community? Please share in the comments below. Xo R~